What a Week!

Sorry it's taken me so long to update! Emri is doing so good! She's been a little fussier than normal, and the last 2 nights she hasn't slept very well. Which is rough for mommy and daddy :). Her wound still looks pretty scary to me, but the on call surgeon said it was healing great! We have a check up with her surgeon tomorrow morning. After that, I will know more about what the future looks like. As of now, all I know is that we have to keep check on her incision and how she potties. She will have to get a physical therapist to come out if her surgeon sees it fit. Keep praying for her as she recovers. We still have a bit to go before we're out of this. I'll update after tomorrow after I have more details!
Love you all!! Thank you thank you thank you for all your prayers!! It's no coincidence she's done so well!!

Update

Surgery went well! It lasted around 2.5 hours, which was half as long as they told us it would be. Dr. Oakes said that her surgery was "appropriate" -Dr. Oakes' way of saying it went well! Haha.
It will be tonight or tomorrow before her medicine wears off and we can test her functionality. She seem to be fine in her legs. Moving them around fine. But be praying that everything is normal.
We will be here 3 days as she has to lay flat for those days. Please pray for little to no pain. She seems to be ok with pain now, but that may just be because she's still a little loopy. She got Tylenol around 10:00 and its 2:30 now and she hasn't had any more. She has morphine available to her if needed. We will probably take that option :).
Just just woke up a bit ago and took a big bottle. She is able to have breast milk now, and is taking her bottles perfectly, so she was able to come off her IV fluids.
We are still in recovery (going on 3 hours now), but they are getting her room ready now!
Keep praying for us. Matt and I are so exhausted (very little to no sleep). Our families are exhausted, too.
We love you guys. Your prayers are being heard and felt. Keep them coming for sweet Emri! I'll keep you all posted!

Here We Go!!

Well, the surgery is definitely happening tomorrow. We aren't sure of the actual procedure time, but we have to be there at 5:30 am (leave our house at 4:30...oui!). The surgery will be at Children's and we will stay there at least 2-3 days. We SO welcome any visitors, but we do ask that everyone wait until we give the "go-ahead" on visiting. We aren't quite sure what to expect, and we're already so emotionally drained. Once we see how she does, then you all are welcome to come see her. If in doubt- just text us:). But common sense- if you're feeling sickly what so ever, STAY FAR FAR AWAY!! ;)
We love you guys and are very thankful for each of you. Please keep praying hard for our sweet girl. The doctor assured us that it's going to be a painful recovery for her and I can barely stand the thought of that. Just pray for the Lord to intervene and supernaturally make her feel no pain. I'll try my best to keep everyone posted on how she's doing.

xoxo

T-minus.....tomorrow

Well it's here. I was hoping this week would never come, but it came just the same.
I'm oddly excited for it. I think because I know my baby girl will be healed. I came to a realization the other day thanks to a sweet friend. I've been praying for God to heal Emri- for that miracle in her little body. I know that God can perfectly heal her with just a blink of his eye, and I'm still holding onto that hope, but healing comes in many forms. The delicacy the surgeons have to have while performing this surgery is incredible. I believe that God gives them His hands for just a moment so that they can fix what was meant to destroy. That's a miracle!! Maybe that's the miracle we're intended to receive. If so, I'm thankful.
The past week and a half has been tough to say the least. Thinking about my baby having to be cut open- on her spine none the less- just makes me nauseated. So many negative thoughts and lies were/are being put in my head: things that could go wrong, the tough time we have ahead, fear of losing her. It's been hard. I have so much fear. I'm so scared. Every time I get a wave of fear, the scripture "Perfect love casts out all fear" comes to my head. Let's be honest..I'm not there, haha. I'm terrified. But I think that's acceptable!
We have a pre-op appointment today at 10:00 am, and we will meet with the surgeon to discuss surgery. First, though, he will check the hemangioma on her back to be certain it's healed enough for surgery. If it is, then we will go do anesthesia prep stuff.
So be praying!! Specifics to pray for:
-that the surgeon accepts her back the way it is and will proceed with surgery
-that she is healed and we don't even have to do surgery!!
-there's a chance, after her surgery, Emri will have difficulty emptying her bladder and will have to have a catheter for a while. PRAY AGAINST THAT IN JESUS' NAME!!!
-we have to have a physical therapist-type thing come in and work with Em to make sure she doesn't fall behind on development. Pray for God's hand to be all over that
-if we go through with surgery, cover the surgeon in prayer
-pray for Matt and me, and our families. It's going to be a difficult week or so.

I love you all. Your support, encouragement and prayers are more than I could ever ask for. We've been so blessed in so many ways by so many of you! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!
I will try my best to update everyone as much as possible this week.

Here's a sweet picture for you all :)

This was a tough one..

I've been wanting to write this blog for a long time, but have been really nervous and hesitant to,

because I'm going to be really transparent. But after talking to Matt a few times about it,

he assured me that someone needs to hear it and will get something out of it.

First of all, let me start out by updating everyone on where we are with Emri. 

She had her first laser treatment on the hemangioma on her back last Tuesday. It went really well! She didn't seem to be in much pain from the actual treatment or after. We have another (and hopefully last) laser treatment scheduled for next Tuesday (16th). The doctor told us that she was confident that we would be able to keep the surgery date of October 31st. Keep praying that we can!

Here's a picture of before and after of her back:

(Before)

(After..this actually looks better in person)

I also talked to the surgeon's nurse this week about what to expect after the surgery. We have been kind of clueless as to what the recovery would be like. She told me that Emri will have to lay flat for 3 days, but doesn't have to be in one position the whole time...she can roll on her sides and roll over onto her back. I asked her if the recovery would be really painful for her, and she told me that it wouldn't be. She would only need Tylenol when she comes home. The nurse said that we don't have to stay in the hospital for the 3 days that Em has to stay flat, but Matt and I decided that we are going to. She also said that Em doesn't have to be in the ICU, but we are going to request that she be kept in there.

So...for those that are continuing to pray for us, pray that this last laser treatment does the job and makes the hemangioma acceptable for the surgeon. We need surgery to happen as soon as possible. Also, pray that all functionality stays normal in her body as we wait! We won't know for sure if we are doing surgery on the 31st until the 30th when we go in for pre-op stuff. Pray for me!...that's going to drive me crazy!!

So... to the part that's been hard to write...

The last few months have been the most emotionally, physically, spiritually draining months of my life. Since the day we found out Emri would have to have surgery, I've just been very angry. Walking out of Children's to our car after the MRI, I remember saying to my mom, "I have so many thoughts in my head and not one of them are good towards God."
I was/am so mad at him for making Emri go through all of this. And selfishly I'm mad at him for making US go through this.

Since that day, it's been an internal struggle for me. I haven't wanted to pray. I haven't wanted to read my Bible. Honestly, I just haven't wanted anything to do with God. I know that sounds super harsh, and this is the part that I've been struggling to write about and share. But I've been hurt...my feelings are hurt...and it's like I've been pitching a temper tantrum with God.
I compare it to times that I've asked my dad for something and wanting it really badly, but he tells me no.
I prayed and prayed and prayed, and so many other people prayed and prayed and prayed, for them to do the MRI and find NOTHING that needs surgery.

But we didn't get that.

When someone would text or call us saying they were praying for us, I wanted to say
"You know, don't even bother."

For weeks now, I've had a lot of unforgiveness in my heart towards Him. And I think in the past I would've felt super condemned and wrong for that...like I was "going to Hell" (said in my best Southern Baptist preacher voice) for feeling these feelings.  
But you know what the beauty of God is??
THERE IS NO CONDEMNATION!
He understands what I'm going through and the feelings that I have.
He understands that I can't see the good that will come out of this whole situation.
And He, if anyone else should, understands the pain I feel when I see my daughter going through all of this physical pain.

Y'all...his love is  u n c o n d i t i o n a l!! Meaning- He knows my heart better than I do, so he knows those deep down feelings and thoughts I have that I'm probably too ashamed to admit, but he STILL loves me just the same.

He doesn't give us things to punish us or test us. That's not how he works.

Think about it, this life really isn't about us anyway, huh? We are living for the eternal, and God's motives are too big for us to understand, so when we are given these "hardships" maybe that's God using something to reach other people.

I was talking to a friend a while back about someone we know who's battling cancer and someone who had just died. That friend told me that someone told her, "there are people that need to be reached, that would only be reached through that person's death."

That hit me really hard. Emri isn't dying anytime soon (though the devil likes to put that thought in my head every single day when thinking about the surgery), but there is someone out there who God will only be able to reach through this situation Emri is going through. Maybe it's one of our family members, or a friend, or a stranger. Or maybe it Matt and myself! We don't know. But I do know that I have to trust what he is doing.

God loves you...God loves you...God loves you...but the Bible says that His heart is for the lost!

^{Jesus said:} “If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them gets lost, what will he do? Won’t he leave the ninety-nine others in the wilderness and go to search for the one that is lost until he finds it? And when he has found it, he will joyfully carry it home on his shoulders. When he arrives, he will call together his friends and neighbors, saying, ‘Rejoice with me because I have found my lost sheep.’ In the same way, there is more joy in heaven over one lost sinner who repents and returns to God than over ninety-nine others who are righteous and haven’t strayed away!" Luke 15:4-7


We will get through this. Emri will recover with full functionality of EVERY part of her body. It's just a little journey that we have to endure for a bit. 
I can't help but think, man! God must have some huge plans for our family for the devil to be coming at us so much! Good news?? He's already defeated! 
Just like, if you would re-watch the old  Bama vs. LSU National Championship game...you don't get nervous and anxious about Bama winning, right? You already know they've won! So when satan is coming at you from every angle possible, laugh at him, y'all! He has zero victory!!

I hope this has helped someone. I've been feeling a nagging in my Spirit for a very long time to share this. I love you all so very much. Thanks for every single prayer prayed..and YES- still DO bother to pray them ;)

To end, I wanted to share these verses:

"These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold--though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world." 1Peter 1:7

"I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born, says the Lord." Isaiah 66:9

love to all!
Katie

Update on Miss Emri

I'm updating from my phone so I dont know how it's going to turn out :).

Monday, we went to the dermatologist for her to check the progress on the removal of the hemangioma. She was happy with the results and actually said that the results were better than she expected. THAT'S A WIN!!

Yesterday, we met with Emri's neurosurgeon. He was happy with the way the hemangioma has gotten better, but it's still not where he needs it to be. He talked to us for a while about our options and weighed the pros and cons for each option, then he came to the conclusion that he wanted to wait a couple more months before we attempt surgery. There are definite risks with both options:

If we did surgery now, cutting through the hemangioma, the wound would fall apart and wouldn't heal. Because its pretty much in her diaper, obviously it's not the most sanitary place so if the skin doesn't heal we run the risk of her getting infections.

If we wait to do surgery, we run the risk of her disease getting worse and her losing function of her bladder and bowels. Obviously, loss of function is irreversible.

All options seem pretty scary to me, but Dr. Oakes told us that if it were his loved one, he would choose to wait to do surgery. Basically, there's a much higher chance of her getting an infection now than her losing function between now and surgery time.

So our next step is to possibly do some laser treatments on the hemangioma to make it go away faster. The quicker it goes away the quicker we can do surgery.

For those that are praying relentlessly for her, first of all, THANK YOU! Second, here are specifics to pray for:
- that her insurance will approve to pay for the laser treatments
- that we can start the treatments quickly and that they work quickly
- that she feel little pain from the laser (it's a pretty painful process)
- if we have to wait a while for surgery, that there be ZERO loss of function to any part of her body
- obviously, complete healing for her little body

Thank you all! I have another post I'm working on right now, so be looking out for that! :)

Update coming soon..

To those of you who have been asking,

I will blog soon with an update on all things Emri.

But until then, enjoy this hilarious picture of myself as a whale...

.....

wait for it

.....

and laugh

38 weeks (I think)

Pardon Matt's teeth-brushing stains on the mirror

>_<

39 weeks

Two days before I went into labor

I couldn't decide which one was worse, so I posted both. It's hard to believe I was ever that big, huh? I'm a pretty small person.

I'm making a photo book for Em with the journal I kept her while pregnant. 

(I'll post details about this later)

But that's why I have these preggo pictures out and about.

Alright, love to all. As you read this sentence, lift up a prayer for Em!

:)

Quick Update and Some Pretty Adorable Pics

Just wanted to update you all on where we stand as of today.

I got a call from the dermatologist yesterday morning saying that we could start the oral antibiotics for Emri's hemangioma. I'll start that tomorrow morning. I pray, pray, pray it works!!! The topical medicine I've been putting on the spot seems to be working! Maybe the two combined (along with lots of prayer(: ) will knock it out pretty quickly.

Today Em had her bladder test and

PRAISE THE LORD

her bladder functions as it should!!! 

What a relief!!!

He said, though, that 20-30% of patients who have tethered cord surgery have difficulty emptying their bladders, so if that happens with Em I will have to put a catheter in to help her empty her bladder out. He said it's very unlikely for that to become permanent, but it could happen.

Let's just go ahead and rebuke that right now!

:)

Here's a couple pics of her during the ultrasound:

She did so good! Just laid there the whole time!

Here's one of her and daddy before the actual procedure. 

I love how much she loves him!!

So, the next steps are just follow-up appointments. September 17 we have a follow up with the dermatologist to check the progress of the hemangioma removal. At this visit she will tell us if she thinks we need to do the laser removal. September 18 we have a follow-up with Dr. Oakes. I'm hoping this appointment will be to schedule the actual surgery.

I'm really, really still praying for that little miracle. How amazing would it be to go in for a visit and the doctor tell us she doesn't need surgery?! While I'm on this, a friend of mine posted something a few days ago that I've saved to my phone and read it all the time. This is what it says:

"Don't be afraid to ask for a miracle. But at the same time pray for the strength to accept God's will."

That's some good stuff right there! Like I said in my last post, I know that Emri will be healed..it just may not be the way we want it to happen! God's way is the perfect way. Even though I think the best way is for him to just miraculously heal her, that may not be his plan. 

And I have to be okay with that.

So keep the prayers flowing. We got a great report today! Let's keep that trending! :)

Alright, enough of the medical stuff!! Let's see some cute pictures, shall we?!

Matt and I had a little photo shoot with Em for her two month pics. Let the adorableness ensue: 

She's so cute I can barely stand it! She's so much fun now. She's starting to be more responsive- for example, when I wake her up from a nap she will look at me and smile real big..

Melt. My. Heart.

So precious!!

She's a tough little girl. She's already been through a lot for only being 8 weeks old. If I could take it from her I would. 

Keep praying for her and for continued good reports at each visit, and for the hemangioma to shrink substantially or go away completely. Knowing how many people are praying for us and for her totally blows me away. We can feel your prayers and we thank you all so, so much!!

I'll leave you with this little nugget that the same friend mentioned above posted, as well:

"Adversity is the testing ground of our faith. God has to risk losing you forever to your anger and bitterness in order to have you for His true son.  Anyone can believe and sing praises on the Temple Mount when the sun is shining, but true praise is sung in the darkest valley when the Accuser tells you to curse God for making you suffer so much pain. If you can still praise your Father's goodness, even in the darkness, then you are His son indeed."

xoxo

"This Child Has a Problem..."

"This child has a problem...and we need to fix it."

Those words, spoken by Emri's neurosurgeon, run through my head all day everyday. 

As we sat there in a room at Children's Hospital with Dr. Oakes, he rambled medical jargon that I didn't care a thing about for what felt like 30 minutes...and then he said what I had been praying NOT to hear...

"This child has a problem...and we need to fix it."

I felt like I was in a fog the rest of the time. I'm very thankful for my very attentive husband! 

Through all of this, I NEVER remember what the doctors say. 

He's amazing...and not just because he listens well :)

The emotions and thoughts I had after getting the news of Emri needing surgery I'm not too proud of. I was am very angry and hurt. I have to work through it constantly every day! I don't understand the way God works, and I don't understand healing, but I DO understand that He loves Emri more than I ever could. He IS going to heal her...it just may not be the way we want it to happen.

Every time a thought crosses my mind, I have to remind myself of the kids who have it much worse than Emri. In the words of Dr. Oakes, "this isn't the end of the world," but if you're a parent you can understand how it could feel that way. 

BUT

Emri wasn't given a death sentence. She is perfectly healthy.

We know the problem.

We know how to fix it.

And we have the best neurosurgeon around to fix it.

I could ramble on and on about how I feel and how we are dealing, but I don't want this to be a doom and gloom blog. This is just a little bump in the road of an otherwise perfect little girl.

So, to update you all on where we are with everything:

Yesterday, we met with a dermatologist to look at the hemangioma on Emri's back

...

Well, let me catch everyone up who may not know what's going on:

Emri was born with a dimple on her back, which we now know is a tethered spinal cord. Because her cord is fused with the skin on her back, there's a collection of blood vessels around the dimple called "hemangioma." 

That's puts everyone up to speed-ish..

So, yesterday, we met with the dermatologist to look at the hemangioma. We had to do this because Dr. Oakes cannot make an incision through the hemangioma because that skin doesn't heal well. So we have to put a topical antibiotic on the spot itself, and we will have to give her an oral antibiotic once we are approved to give it to her (they had to do an EKG and glucose test on her to be sure it's safe for her to take- it's a medicine for high blood pressure that seems to work on clearing hemangioma). We may also do some laser treatments to make the spots go away quickly. If these things don't work with Dr. Oakes timeline, we will have to do a plastic surgery procedure where they will insert a balloon under her skin to stretch/grow enough skin to remove the hemangioma then do a skin graft, let that completely heal, then do the surgery. 

I wanted to post a picture of this..mainly because I want all of you reading this to say a prayer that this goes away quickly.

A little scary looking, huh?

Thursday of this week, we have to take Em to the urology clinic at Children's to do a bladder test. The first thing that a tethered cord will start to affect is bladder and bowel control. So they will put a catheter in and test Em's bladder control to make sure there hasn't already been some nerve damage.

This I am not excited about.

They won't numb anything for the catheter...so she will feel everything.

I won't be in the room with her for that. That's too much.

Once we test the bladder, we will meet back with Dr. Oakes to talk the actual spinal surgery. What he will have to do is go in and separate the spinal cord from where it is attached to her back, and put it back into her spinal column. 

It all sounds very scary..

AND IT IS..

But he assured us that he has done many of these surgeries. He actually did two of the same the week before we met with him.

The timeline he has given us is 1-2 months, pending the removal of the hemangioma. 

Here is a picture of her spine from the MRI:

The arrow points to where the tethering is.

So...

We have a bit of a journey ahead of us. 

I'm scared. I'm nervous.

I'm anxious.

But I trust God to take care of my little girl.

I've been clinging to this verse since Em has been born:

"For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, 

Do not fear

 I will help you."

Isaiah 41:13

"I will take your hand...and I will help you"

What a sweet promise from our Lord. 

Keep praying for our sweet girl. For this Thursday's test, pray that her bladder is functioning as it should. That there be no nerve damage. Pray that the hemangioma goes away quickly without the laser procedure or plastic surgery option. 

Also, we are having some difficulties getting Em on an insurance because she has a "preexisting condition." The fact that we are even having a problem with this is A B S O L U T E L Y ridiculous....but I'll save my opinions on that. Just pray that we can get this worked out before she has to have surgery.

I love you all! All of the texts, calls, tweets, posts, messages, etc. mean so much to us. We could never thank you all enough for all of the encouragement! 

xoxo

Dancing, Birthing and Occult Spinal Dysraphism from Momma's Perspective

I’ve been wanting to blog/journal/whatever since we’ve been home from the hospital, but just didn’t have the time or really know what to say. But I figured I would give a “momma’s perspective” on everything that has happened. Man, what a crazy 5 weeks (today!) it’s been. 

I really don’t know where to start, so I’ll just dive right in:

I’ll never forget the day and night that my water broke. 

The whole day before, I got to spend it with my best friend/sister-I’ve-always-wanted, the beautiful Ashley Dorough. We went to the pool, went to get our nails done (I just had to get “It’s a Girl” polish on my fingers!), then we grilled and had a dance party! 

I meant that I was getting that baby out that night!! We played the game “Dance Central” on Kinect, 

but that didn’t seem like enough! So we did some squats together and I ran around the house. I’m a nut! 

BUT!!...It worked! 

At 1:00 am, I was sound asleep and I felt it! MY WATER HAD BROKEN! I quickly rolled 

out of bed (much like a walrus...I was huge!) and woke Matt up. 

He shot up out of bed and asked, “Are you sure?!”

…………….

Uh yeah! I was sure!! 

There was a moment where we just stood on either side of our bed just staring at each other in silence. I think we were in shock! I’ll never forget that feeling, and I could never put it into words. So many emotions flooded my head: excitement (more like elation!), nervousness, joy, anticipation, etc.

We get to the hospital about an hour later. I couldn’t believe it was finally the time to meet my sweet Emri Kate!! But I would have to wait a little bit longer, for dearest Emri was STUBBORN!! It took me a very long time to progress. We checked into the hospital around 2 am, I got the Pitocin around 8-9 am (still at only, like, 1.5 cm), and I think I didn’t get the epidural until that afternoon (shortly after lunch). I had very painful contractions for a LONG time before I was able to get temporarily paralyzed from the waist down…and praise the Lord for that temporary paralysis!! BUT it still wasn’t time. Emri didn’t arrive on the scene until 8:55 pm. So, yes, that’s right…..all in all I was in labor for almost 20 hours! Oh how it was worth every second!

I really wish I could put into words what it felt like to hear and see her for the first time. 

Relief. 

Sheer JOY. 

Peace. 

Excitement. 

I’ll never forget it for the rest of my life! The nurse said, “Mom, look at your baby girl!” I looked down at her, threw my head back on the pillow and sobbed uncontrollably. I’m convinced there’s not a moment in your life to compare to that one second of seeing your child for the first time! The moments after that are kind of a blur. We did the normal just-had-a-baby stuff, and then I heard the nurse say, “Is that a dimple?” Of course, at the time I had no idea what she meant. I thought, "Oh..she has dimples?! Cute!" But as we all know, that’s not what she meant. After a brief explanation from the nurse of what that “dimple” was, a visit from the pediatrician and more in depth explanation from her, in comes the doctor from the NICU. After this, my memory is kind of blank.

I look back on our time in the hospital and I almost have this bitterness when thinking about it- just being really transparent. After preparing 9 months for your baby’s arrival and having so many expectations of how everything will go once she arrives, having to surrender your baby to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit minutes after giving birth sucks (for lack of a better term)!!! I remember after one of our many visits down to the NICU for her to eat, we were back on our floor about to be in our room when I saw them wheel a new mom 

with her new baby in her arms

 into her normal-filled hospital room.

 I lost it after that. 

I got in my bed, my mom sat beside me, and I just wept. I remember saying “I don’t understand this. It’s not fair”…two sentences I will end up saying many times in the coming weeks.

I didn’t get to change my baby’s first diaper. 

I didn’t get to be there when she had her first bath. 

I didn’t get to experience the “stare at your baby all night to make sure she is breathing” the first night with her. 

I wasn’t able to be there when they stuck her a million times trying to get her IV in, leaving a million stick marks and bruises in her arms, hands and feet. 

And I wasn’t there when they decided to put the IV in her head. 

It’s very easy for me to look back on these days in the hospital and be bitter and angry, and some days I am….but then I’m reminded of all the good. Yes, Emri had to spend her firsts days in the NICU with needles and wires all over her, but Emri was perfectly healthy! We saw some very sick babies during our time in the NICU, which put things into perspective for us. She was fine…this was just a small bump in the road. 

After all, if she is here...she is perfect!

We finally got word the she could come home with us, and we were home on Tuesday night. The following days/weeks were intense to say the least. Emri cried a lot because she was so hungry (yay for nursing *sarcasm*) and I was exhausted...among other things. Things got better and I eventually started enjoying being a mom (no…I didn’t like it for a few days).

Then came our visit to Dr. Oakes at Children’s Hospital. I had been dreading this day since the appointment was made.  The appointment went well, and I made it through the whole thing with only crying once!

.....

until I got home. 

It ALL hit me at once. Since we found out Emri had this “problem,” I kind of made myself numb to all feelings surrounding it. Yes, it worried and bothered me at times, but then I would push the thoughts out of my head. Well, this day, all numbness wore off. 

I broke. 

Everything came barreling down on me in a second. I never thought about the future complications this thing could cause Emri until seeing some of the kids in the waiting room. Thinking of her possibly not being able to walk, or needing assistance with walking, broke me and I lost it. For the first time in my life, I was kind of upset with God. I sat there on my couch, face in my hands, and told God aloud that I didn’t understand…It wasn’t fair…Why us? Why, when so many of my friends just had perfectly healthy babies, why would we have to carry this burden?!

Then I got it...

It wasn’t ours to carry. That’s what He is for! He gladly carries our burdens for us. 

I just had/have to give it to him to carry for me.

If you know me, then you know I’m a bit of a control freak, so NOT controlling something, obviously, freaks me out. Being a mom in general has totally flipped my world upside down in this aspect, but throw in a spinal defect on your newborn little girl, and…well…you can imagine.

I know God is using this situation to bring Glory to his name. He’s already gotten so much!! In that moment of my breakdown, I told God: I don’t know what you’re doing, and to be honest I don’t like it. But if it brings one ounce of Glory to You…then tally-ho!

I DON’T know what he’s doing, and I DON’T understand why, but isn’t that faith? 

Though I have no idea what the heck is going on, nor do I know what the future holds for my sweet Emri, I DO have faith in my sweet Jesus. I do have my moments…I’m human. A prayer that I have to repeat continually is Mark 9:24 

“…I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief.” 

I trust God with everything I have in me to take care of our little girl, but because I’m human I have doubts…but Praise God there’s Grace!!

The future for Em is still unknown. We have an MRI scheduled for August 21. We will then know the next steps needed, if any. Lord willing, there will be no next steps! I’m believing and claiming complete healing over her Occult Spinal Dysraphism. While this is a scary situation, we do know that it could be much, much worse. And we're thankful for that.

Just a side note to end with, I could not even being to express the gratitude I have for every single one of you who have been standing beside us praying through this situation. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about you and thank God for you. All of you have made this so much easier for Matt and me.

And to all that brought us food…THANK YOU!! Cooking was the LAST thing I wanted to do the first few weeks! You all are amazing!

And finally, all of you precious, precious friends who blessed us with a crazy amount of money to help with hospital bills and such….wow….”thank you” doesn’t even scratch the surface!! Just know that every single one of you will be blessed ten-fold what you gave us!

I love you all!!! Keep praying for my beautiful, Emri Kate. She’s a fighter! What an amazing testimony she’s going to have!!