Update

Surgery went well! It lasted around 2.5 hours, which was half as long as they told us it would be. Dr. Oakes said that her surgery was "appropriate" -Dr. Oakes' way of saying it went well! Haha.
It will be tonight or tomorrow before her medicine wears off and we can test her functionality. She seem to be fine in her legs. Moving them around fine. But be praying that everything is normal.
We will be here 3 days as she has to lay flat for those days. Please pray for little to no pain. She seems to be ok with pain now, but that may just be because she's still a little loopy. She got Tylenol around 10:00 and its 2:30 now and she hasn't had any more. She has morphine available to her if needed. We will probably take that option :).
Just just woke up a bit ago and took a big bottle. She is able to have breast milk now, and is taking her bottles perfectly, so she was able to come off her IV fluids.
We are still in recovery (going on 3 hours now), but they are getting her room ready now!
Keep praying for us. Matt and I are so exhausted (very little to no sleep). Our families are exhausted, too.
We love you guys. Your prayers are being heard and felt. Keep them coming for sweet Emri! I'll keep you all posted!

Here We Go!!

Well, the surgery is definitely happening tomorrow. We aren't sure of the actual procedure time, but we have to be there at 5:30 am (leave our house at 4:30...oui!). The surgery will be at Children's and we will stay there at least 2-3 days. We SO welcome any visitors, but we do ask that everyone wait until we give the "go-ahead" on visiting. We aren't quite sure what to expect, and we're already so emotionally drained. Once we see how she does, then you all are welcome to come see her. If in doubt- just text us:). But common sense- if you're feeling sickly what so ever, STAY FAR FAR AWAY!! ;)
We love you guys and are very thankful for each of you. Please keep praying hard for our sweet girl. The doctor assured us that it's going to be a painful recovery for her and I can barely stand the thought of that. Just pray for the Lord to intervene and supernaturally make her feel no pain. I'll try my best to keep everyone posted on how she's doing.

xoxo

T-minus.....tomorrow

Well it's here. I was hoping this week would never come, but it came just the same.
I'm oddly excited for it. I think because I know my baby girl will be healed. I came to a realization the other day thanks to a sweet friend. I've been praying for God to heal Emri- for that miracle in her little body. I know that God can perfectly heal her with just a blink of his eye, and I'm still holding onto that hope, but healing comes in many forms. The delicacy the surgeons have to have while performing this surgery is incredible. I believe that God gives them His hands for just a moment so that they can fix what was meant to destroy. That's a miracle!! Maybe that's the miracle we're intended to receive. If so, I'm thankful.
The past week and a half has been tough to say the least. Thinking about my baby having to be cut open- on her spine none the less- just makes me nauseated. So many negative thoughts and lies were/are being put in my head: things that could go wrong, the tough time we have ahead, fear of losing her. It's been hard. I have so much fear. I'm so scared. Every time I get a wave of fear, the scripture "Perfect love casts out all fear" comes to my head. Let's be honest..I'm not there, haha. I'm terrified. But I think that's acceptable!
We have a pre-op appointment today at 10:00 am, and we will meet with the surgeon to discuss surgery. First, though, he will check the hemangioma on her back to be certain it's healed enough for surgery. If it is, then we will go do anesthesia prep stuff.
So be praying!! Specifics to pray for:
-that the surgeon accepts her back the way it is and will proceed with surgery
-that she is healed and we don't even have to do surgery!!
-there's a chance, after her surgery, Emri will have difficulty emptying her bladder and will have to have a catheter for a while. PRAY AGAINST THAT IN JESUS' NAME!!!
-we have to have a physical therapist-type thing come in and work with Em to make sure she doesn't fall behind on development. Pray for God's hand to be all over that
-if we go through with surgery, cover the surgeon in prayer
-pray for Matt and me, and our families. It's going to be a difficult week or so.

I love you all. Your support, encouragement and prayers are more than I could ever ask for. We've been so blessed in so many ways by so many of you! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!
I will try my best to update everyone as much as possible this week.

Here's a sweet picture for you all :)

This was a tough one..

I've been wanting to write this blog for a long time, but have been really nervous and hesitant to,

because I'm going to be really transparent. But after talking to Matt a few times about it,

he assured me that someone needs to hear it and will get something out of it.

First of all, let me start out by updating everyone on where we are with Emri. 

She had her first laser treatment on the hemangioma on her back last Tuesday. It went really well! She didn't seem to be in much pain from the actual treatment or after. We have another (and hopefully last) laser treatment scheduled for next Tuesday (16th). The doctor told us that she was confident that we would be able to keep the surgery date of October 31st. Keep praying that we can!

Here's a picture of before and after of her back:

(Before)

(After..this actually looks better in person)

I also talked to the surgeon's nurse this week about what to expect after the surgery. We have been kind of clueless as to what the recovery would be like. She told me that Emri will have to lay flat for 3 days, but doesn't have to be in one position the whole time...she can roll on her sides and roll over onto her back. I asked her if the recovery would be really painful for her, and she told me that it wouldn't be. She would only need Tylenol when she comes home. The nurse said that we don't have to stay in the hospital for the 3 days that Em has to stay flat, but Matt and I decided that we are going to. She also said that Em doesn't have to be in the ICU, but we are going to request that she be kept in there.

So...for those that are continuing to pray for us, pray that this last laser treatment does the job and makes the hemangioma acceptable for the surgeon. We need surgery to happen as soon as possible. Also, pray that all functionality stays normal in her body as we wait! We won't know for sure if we are doing surgery on the 31st until the 30th when we go in for pre-op stuff. Pray for me!...that's going to drive me crazy!!

So... to the part that's been hard to write...

The last few months have been the most emotionally, physically, spiritually draining months of my life. Since the day we found out Emri would have to have surgery, I've just been very angry. Walking out of Children's to our car after the MRI, I remember saying to my mom, "I have so many thoughts in my head and not one of them are good towards God."
I was/am so mad at him for making Emri go through all of this. And selfishly I'm mad at him for making US go through this.

Since that day, it's been an internal struggle for me. I haven't wanted to pray. I haven't wanted to read my Bible. Honestly, I just haven't wanted anything to do with God. I know that sounds super harsh, and this is the part that I've been struggling to write about and share. But I've been hurt...my feelings are hurt...and it's like I've been pitching a temper tantrum with God.
I compare it to times that I've asked my dad for something and wanting it really badly, but he tells me no.
I prayed and prayed and prayed, and so many other people prayed and prayed and prayed, for them to do the MRI and find NOTHING that needs surgery.

But we didn't get that.

When someone would text or call us saying they were praying for us, I wanted to say
"You know, don't even bother."

For weeks now, I've had a lot of unforgiveness in my heart towards Him. And I think in the past I would've felt super condemned and wrong for that...like I was "going to Hell" (said in my best Southern Baptist preacher voice) for feeling these feelings.  
But you know what the beauty of God is??
THERE IS NO CONDEMNATION!
He understands what I'm going through and the feelings that I have.
He understands that I can't see the good that will come out of this whole situation.
And He, if anyone else should, understands the pain I feel when I see my daughter going through all of this physical pain.

Y'all...his love is  u n c o n d i t i o n a l!! Meaning- He knows my heart better than I do, so he knows those deep down feelings and thoughts I have that I'm probably too ashamed to admit, but he STILL loves me just the same.

He doesn't give us things to punish us or test us. That's not how he works.

Think about it, this life really isn't about us anyway, huh? We are living for the eternal, and God's motives are too big for us to understand, so when we are given these "hardships" maybe that's God using something to reach other people.

I was talking to a friend a while back about someone we know who's battling cancer and someone who had just died. That friend told me that someone told her, "there are people that need to be reached, that would only be reached through that person's death."

That hit me really hard. Emri isn't dying anytime soon (though the devil likes to put that thought in my head every single day when thinking about the surgery), but there is someone out there who God will only be able to reach through this situation Emri is going through. Maybe it's one of our family members, or a friend, or a stranger. Or maybe it Matt and myself! We don't know. But I do know that I have to trust what he is doing.

God loves you...God loves you...God loves you...but the Bible says that His heart is for the lost!

^{Jesus said:} “If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them gets lost, what will he do? Won’t he leave the ninety-nine others in the wilderness and go to search for the one that is lost until he finds it? And when he has found it, he will joyfully carry it home on his shoulders. When he arrives, he will call together his friends and neighbors, saying, ‘Rejoice with me because I have found my lost sheep.’ In the same way, there is more joy in heaven over one lost sinner who repents and returns to God than over ninety-nine others who are righteous and haven’t strayed away!" Luke 15:4-7


We will get through this. Emri will recover with full functionality of EVERY part of her body. It's just a little journey that we have to endure for a bit. 
I can't help but think, man! God must have some huge plans for our family for the devil to be coming at us so much! Good news?? He's already defeated! 
Just like, if you would re-watch the old  Bama vs. LSU National Championship game...you don't get nervous and anxious about Bama winning, right? You already know they've won! So when satan is coming at you from every angle possible, laugh at him, y'all! He has zero victory!!

I hope this has helped someone. I've been feeling a nagging in my Spirit for a very long time to share this. I love you all so very much. Thanks for every single prayer prayed..and YES- still DO bother to pray them ;)

To end, I wanted to share these verses:

"These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold--though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world." 1Peter 1:7

"I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born, says the Lord." Isaiah 66:9

love to all!
Katie